Sometimes I wish I could look through a hole at how my grandparents raised my dad. What did they demand of him, what things did they say to him, how did they punish him, etc.? For better or for worse, we all repeat what we learned. New parents don’t have an instruction manual on raising their children, so the customs are repeated.
When I started school, the lessons were easy for me. At that time, in Puerto Rico, which has the American system, if you scored from 90 to 100 you had A. My sister laughs and says that I would cry if I scored 98 on a test. I don’t remember crying, but I do remember that when I came with 98, my dad asked me why I hadn’t gotten 100.
That simple question led me to think that I had to be perfect to be loved or to have value. I pushed myself too hard throughout my life, which caused me a lot of stress. Other times, I didn’t try or do something for fear of failing.
It wasn’t until years later, when I started on this path of spiritual awakening, that I understood and forgave all of this. I could see that my dad wanted the best for me and that, although wrong, that was his way of trying to teach me. I know he did everything for love. Now it’s up to my children to evaluate my mistakes, forgive me and heal their inner selves.
I recently talked with a friend about this topic, and I realized that I still have internal layers, well hidden in the unconscious, about my need for perfection. I still have to heal those thoughts. Although much less, I still demand too much perfection of myself.
Awakening is a process. The Holy Spirit in us, who helps us wake up and forgive, leads us to see things in a way that doesn’t terrify us, gently but surely.
Our lesson is to learn to be alert at how we feel at all times because inner peace is the thermometer that tells us if we are on the right path. We still have a way to go to fully awaken.
Much success in your path of awakening