The other night I suffered an attack of many feelings: anger, sadness, anxiety. I left the door to my room open. The male dog saw it, and I imagine he thought, aha, they never let me in that room. Let me enter and mark my territory, which is the only place that I am missing in this house.
When I came out to scold him, my son grabbed him, took him to my room, told him firmly “You don’t do that there,” and spanked him. When I saw that, I went crazy. I started screaming that I couldn’t deal with violence, that he should never do something like that in front of me again. I was so upset that I locked myself in my room to cry. After a while, I calmed down and began to analyze the situation.
These are the things I could have done:
- See my son as an abuser. (Which I knew he wasn’t.)
- Be angry with him.
- Feel like a victim. Choose to be unhappy instead of choosing peace.
These are the things I did:
- Breathe deeply to calm myself.
- Recognize that there is nothing outside of me.
- See my son as innocent.
- Search within me to see what was activated in me.
- Acknowledge that my reaction was exaggerated because it was just a pat.
- Ask my Holy Spirit to help me see things differently.
After a while, the following memories came to mind:
- When my two children were young, I spanked them on the legs when they misbehaved.
- I learned that from my mother, and surely, she learned it from hers.
- I felt great sadness and guilt.
- I understood that I didn’t know better at that time, but thank God I have for a long time.
- I asked my Holy Spirit to help me forgive myself and my mother.
- I thought of Lesson 34 in A Course in Miracles that says “I could see peace instead of this.”
- After this, I closed my eyes and was silent for a while, breathing deeply. After a while, I felt great peace and knew that the process was over.
In the morning, I spoke with my son and apologized for my ignorance when he was a child. His response was, “to forgive you again? I forgave you the first time you asked me a long time ago.
Obviously, the one who has to forgive me is me.
And with this story, I invite you to do this process every time an emotion, other than peace or love, arises. By doing so, I spared myself many days of anger and suffering and was at peace again.
I was born honest. No one had to teach me the importance of telling the truth. I have a hard time dealing with dishonest people. If someone lies to me, it is very difficult for me to believe them again.
These days I’ve been thinking about honesty. I recently joined a group called Meet Up. Among my tastes, I put that I liked to dance. What didn’t occur to me at the time is that I love to dance to Latin music. Having lived for many years where Hispanic people predominated, I did not remember that now I live in California where it’s not.
I can dance to American music, but it has to have a rhythm that gets inside me. As it was, I went to my first American party, and the music did not move me. I danced a piece and left. When the second came, I answered again that I would go. I went to YouTube and listened to some songs by the band and realized that I didn’t like them either. I found myself at a crossroads. I had already answered yes, and I thought that at least I should go for a while. Before long, I began to feel uncomfortable and stressed. At the moment, I couldn’t identify my discomfort.
Since my Holy Spirit is my best friend, I began to chat with him (in my mind, of course) about my discomfort and stress. My steps in the conversation are always the same. I tell him, I’m uncomfortable and I know it comes from my thoughts. Help me see what it is, and to change it for a loving one that brings me peace.
After a little while, the word honesty came to mind. I realized that I was not being honest with myself. By not offending the person who runs these activities, I was putting myself in a situation that did not make me happy. Once I realized this, I made the decision not to go. I texted, saying I wasn’t going, and immediately started to feel calm.
Remember, honesty begins at home.
We are in the first week of the New Year. A friend sent me this thought that I share below. It has been shared many times. I don’t know who wrote it, but it wasn’t me. I merely found it beautiful. Hopefully, everyone who reads it applies it.
I don’t wish you a wonderful year where everything is good. That is a childish and utopian thought.
I want you to be encouraged to look at yourself and love yourself as you are.
May you have enough self-love to fight many battles and the humility to know that there are unwinnable battles that are not worth fighting for.
I wish you could accept that there are realities that are unchangeable and that there are others, that if you run from the place of the complaint, you can change. That you do not allow the “I cannot” and that you recognize the “I do not want.”
I wish you to listen to your truth and speak it, fully aware that it is only your truth, not that of the other. That you expose yourself to what you fear because it is the only way to overcome fear.
That you learn to tolerate “black spots” in others because you also have yours, which cancels the possibility of making a claim.
Do not condemn yourself for being wrong; you are not almighty.
That you grow, to where and when you want. I do not wish you that 2022 brings you happiness. I wish you to be happy, whatever the reality you have to live.