Month: November 2021

The Course mentions two types of relationships, special relationships, and holy relationships. In the next blog, I will explain holy relationships.

For the Course, all relationships involving the ego are special relationships. There are two types of special relationships, special hate relationships, and special love relationships.

In special hate relationships, we look for someone or something to hate. In this way, we do not have to look at the hatred we have towards ourselves. An example of these relationships is seen in politics. Those on one side hate Trump, and those on the other side hate Biden. This type of special relationship is easier to identify, although not so easy to understand what part of us we hate and are projecting outside.

The special love relationship is more deceptive. It is more difficult to recognize because it appears to be something that it is not. Just like the special hate relationship, we are trying to hide our hatred of ourselves in the special love relationship. The difference is that in love, it is done in a more subtle way.

As I explained in the previous blog, we all feel that something is missing to a greater or lesser degree. That scarcity principle is beneath special relationships. We think that something is missing. Immediately, the ego-mind says, I know how you can solve this. Look outside yourself for someone to fill your hole.

When you find someone who has the qualities that meet your needs, you grab onto that special someone. You fall in love, and everything is wonderful as long as that person gives you what you need. And if you have qualities that fill his needs, he falls in love with you. From the ego’s point of view, it is like a marriage made in heaven.

What the ego calls love is actually dependence. I depend on you to meet my needs, and I will make sure that you rely on me to fulfill yours. As long as I know everything is great.

When that person begins to have other interests or makes new friends at work, or in some way is no longer acting as you wish and no longer fits your expectations, problems begin.

No matter what, you want it to be like before. To achieve this, you can use different measures, usually without expressing how you feel directly. Maybe you act cold; you manipulate by saying something like “you are no longer the same as before. You don’t love me anymore”, or something similar.

If you can make your partner feel guilty enough to go back to acting like before, everything is fine again. If not, the fights begin until one of the two decides that he is not happy, and the relationship ends.

At the same time, you meet another person who “meets your needs and expectations” and begins another special relationship. If you pay close attention, you will realize that everything you did not heal inside with the first partner is repeated in the next. That’s because what I call “hunger and need come together.” Your partner and vice versa will activate everything you have in the unconscious to heal. But as always, if it is a special relationship, you are in denial and see it outside.

As long as you feel like a victim, that is going to be a vicious cycle. To get out of this cycle, you must start seeing things differently. In the next blog, I will explain how.

Since we thought that we had separated ourselves from God and created the ego, we always live looking for that something that completes us, without realizing that something, which is the only thing that would complete us, is God. According to the Course, this search comes from the scarcity principle, which is the belief that something is missing.

The something that you think you are lacking can be love, abundance, bliss, a sense of sufficiency, beauty, etc. When you feel that you are missing something, you think that nobody loves you, that there is something incomplete within you, that you are not enough, you feel alone.

The ego or wrong mind tells you that this is easily solved. What you have to do is look for it outside of yourself.

Some people look for it in food and overeat. Others drink and drink like a bottomless keg. Some people have to be buying the latest fashionable things even if they have their closet complete. What doesn’t occur to them is that they are doing that to fill a hole that they feel deep inside.

Take a good look at yourself with great honesty. What motivates you? What do you do to fill your life? How do you feel when you can’t? Do you take responsibility for your failures, or do you blame someone else?

In my case, it was the couple’s relationship. I had a feeling that I did not belong and that I was not enough. Unconsciously, I thought that having a partner would resolve this feeling. How wrong I was.

In the next blog, I will explain what special relationships are according to A Course in Miracles. You will see how when the Course talks about relationships, it doesn’t refer only to a couple’s relationship. Until next time.

The ego’s thought system, which is the same as saying the wrong-mind, is the one that governs us in this life until we begin to wake up and realize that it only leads us to unhappiness.

It’s a very logical system, as logical as the thought system of the Holy Spirit, which I will comment on in another blog. However, both systems are mutually exclusive. Either we are using one or the other. They don’t mix.

As I mentioned in another blog, the Course says that at one point the Son of God (which is all of us) thought that he was separated from God. We can compare this thought of separation to original sin.

Do you remember when you were a kid doing something that you thought was terrible? What is the first thing you felt? I felt guilty and thought, now I’m going to be punished, and then I was afraid thinking about the possible punishment coming to me.

Well, imagine the fear the Son of God felt when he thought that he had separated from Him. Speaking in our language, he possibly thought, now God will take me to the depths of hell, but if He can’t find me, He can’t punish me.  

So he hid (or so he believed) in the physical world. Each time the son of God went deeper and deeper into physicality, until he reached a point when he thought he was far enough. However, the fear that God would find and punish him never left him. Thus, he changed his perception from a loving God to a vengeful God.

To protect ourselves from the feeling of such tremendous guilt, we invented a way of seeing things where we hide the guilt in the unconscious mind. Once there, we don’t remember it, and we begin to live as if it didn’t exist. That thought system is what the Course calls the ego thought system.

And what do we do when we follow that system? We deny and project. When we go to the ego for help (remember that the ego is a part of our mind), the ego tells us: “This is very easy, put it in your unconscious because you won’t remember that it’s there. But as that suppressed energy tries to come to the surface, when you see someone who reminds you of what you don’t want to accept within you, project it on that person and think that that person is the culprit and not you, and then, attack them for what they seemingly did”. This becomes a cycle of guilt and attack.

We have all done this. In the next blog, I will explain what we do after we blame the other. Meanwhile, you have time to think about all this.