What are special relationships according to A Course in Miracles?

The Course mentions two types of relationships, special relationships, and holy relationships. In the next blog, I will explain holy relationships.

For the Course, all relationships involving the ego are special relationships. There are two types of special relationships, special hate relationships, and special love relationships.

In special hate relationships, we look for someone or something to hate. In this way, we do not have to look at the hatred we have towards ourselves. An example of these relationships is seen in politics. Those on one side hate Trump, and those on the other side hate Biden. This type of special relationship is easier to identify, although not so easy to understand what part of us we hate and are projecting outside.

The special love relationship is more deceptive. It is more difficult to recognize because it appears to be something that it is not. Just like the special hate relationship, we are trying to hide our hatred of ourselves in the special love relationship. The difference is that in love, it is done in a more subtle way.

As I explained in the previous blog, we all feel that something is missing to a greater or lesser degree. That scarcity principle is beneath special relationships. We think that something is missing. Immediately, the ego-mind says, I know how you can solve this. Look outside yourself for someone to fill your hole.

When you find someone who has the qualities that meet your needs, you grab onto that special someone. You fall in love, and everything is wonderful as long as that person gives you what you need. And if you have qualities that fill his needs, he falls in love with you. From the ego’s point of view, it is like a marriage made in heaven.

What the ego calls love is actually dependence. I depend on you to meet my needs, and I will make sure that you rely on me to fulfill yours. As long as I know everything is great.

When that person begins to have other interests or makes new friends at work, or in some way is no longer acting as you wish and no longer fits your expectations, problems begin.

No matter what, you want it to be like before. To achieve this, you can use different measures, usually without expressing how you feel directly. Maybe you act cold; you manipulate by saying something like “you are no longer the same as before. You don’t love me anymore”, or something similar.

If you can make your partner feel guilty enough to go back to acting like before, everything is fine again. If not, the fights begin until one of the two decides that he is not happy, and the relationship ends.

At the same time, you meet another person who “meets your needs and expectations” and begins another special relationship. If you pay close attention, you will realize that everything you did not heal inside with the first partner is repeated in the next. That’s because what I call “hunger and need come together.” Your partner and vice versa will activate everything you have in the unconscious to heal. But as always, if it is a special relationship, you are in denial and see it outside.

As long as you feel like a victim, that is going to be a vicious cycle. To get out of this cycle, you must start seeing things differently. In the next blog, I will explain how.

A Course in Miracles and the Scarcity Principle

Since we thought that we had separated ourselves from God and created the ego, we always live looking for that something that completes us, without realizing that something, which is the only thing that would complete us, is God. According to the Course, this search comes from the scarcity principle, which is the belief that something is missing.

The something that you think you are lacking can be love, abundance, bliss, a sense of sufficiency, beauty, etc. When you feel that you are missing something, you think that nobody loves you, that there is something incomplete within you, that you are not enough, you feel alone.

The ego or wrong mind tells you that this is easily solved. What you have to do is look for it outside of yourself.

Some people look for it in food and overeat. Others drink and drink like a bottomless keg. Some people have to be buying the latest fashionable things even if they have their closet complete. What doesn’t occur to them is that they are doing that to fill a hole that they feel deep inside.

Take a good look at yourself with great honesty. What motivates you? What do you do to fill your life? How do you feel when you can’t? Do you take responsibility for your failures, or do you blame someone else?

In my case, it was the couple’s relationship. I had a feeling that I did not belong and that I was not enough. Unconsciously, I thought that having a partner would resolve this feeling. How wrong I was.

In the next blog, I will explain what special relationships are according to A Course in Miracles. You will see how when the Course talks about relationships, it doesn’t refer only to a couple’s relationship. Until next time.

The defense and attack cycle

Kenneth Wapnick, in his book A Talk Given on a Course in Miracles, mentions another cycle that emerges from the ego game. I am referring to the cycle of defense and attack. Imagine that you were very hurtful to someone. That made you feel guilty, but since you don’t want to accept it, you take it into your unconscious and convince yourself that you did it because of something terrible that person did. In other words, you blame him. Since you were hurtful, you think that person will attack you in some way.

Consequently, you become defensive and attack him in the way you speak to him. The person, then, feels attacked, and to defend himself, he attacks you. This creates the cycle of defense and attack.

This cycle is so in this world we live in, the world of the ego, from interpersonal relationships to relationships between countries. That is why there are so many wars and so much violence.

Unfortunately, as long as people think that “the other” did or will do something to them, this cycle of defense and attack will continue. Nobody does anything to you. Your reaction comes from your interpretation of what you see outside of yourself. That is why there can be as many interpretations of a situation as there are people observing it.

Everything arises from your mind, from your perceptions acquired from your childhood, most of which are hidden in your unconscious. For those who, like me, believe in reincarnation, you already came with those perceptions to heal them in order to raise your consciousness.

If you see something outside of you that bothers you, ask yourself: In what form does what I am seeing outside of me reflect something I don’t want to see about myself?

Ask your Holy Spirit for guidance to help you see them. Notice that in the perfect moment for you, when you are ready to see it differently, the answer will come to you.

Where does the ego’s thought system come from?

The ego’s thought system, which is the same as saying the wrong-mind, is the one that governs us in this life until we begin to wake up and realize that it only leads us to unhappiness.

It’s a very logical system, as logical as the thought system of the Holy Spirit, which I will comment on in another blog. However, both systems are mutually exclusive. Either we are using one or the other. They don’t mix.

As I mentioned in another blog, the Course says that at one point the Son of God (which is all of us) thought that he was separated from God. We can compare this thought of separation to original sin.

Do you remember when you were a kid doing something that you thought was terrible? What is the first thing you felt? I felt guilty and thought, now I’m going to be punished, and then I was afraid thinking about the possible punishment coming to me.

Well, imagine the fear the Son of God felt when he thought that he had separated from Him. Speaking in our language, he possibly thought, now God will take me to the depths of hell, but if He can’t find me, He can’t punish me.  

So he hid (or so he believed) in the physical world. Each time the son of God went deeper and deeper into physicality, until he reached a point when he thought he was far enough. However, the fear that God would find and punish him never left him. Thus, he changed his perception from a loving God to a vengeful God.

To protect ourselves from the feeling of such tremendous guilt, we invented a way of seeing things where we hide the guilt in the unconscious mind. Once there, we don’t remember it, and we begin to live as if it didn’t exist. That thought system is what the Course calls the ego thought system.

And what do we do when we follow that system? We deny and project. When we go to the ego for help (remember that the ego is a part of our mind), the ego tells us: “This is very easy, put it in your unconscious because you won’t remember that it’s there. But as that suppressed energy tries to come to the surface, when you see someone who reminds you of what you don’t want to accept within you, project it on that person and think that that person is the culprit and not you, and then, attack them for what they seemingly did”. This becomes a cycle of guilt and attack.

We have all done this. In the next blog, I will explain what we do after we blame the other. Meanwhile, you have time to think about all this.

A Course in Miracles – the One-Mind and the split-mind

Kenneth Wapnick, widely regarded as the foremost teacher of A Course in Miracles, gave a talk, which later became a book, entitled A Talk on a Course in Miracles. I recommend that anyone interested in understanding the Course read this book. I want to summarize here some of the things he said.

Wapnick reminds us that the Course is written in two levels. The first level shows the difference between what the One-Mind and the split-mind are.

• The One-Mind level is where we remain united to God even though we have forgotten it. At this level, the body and the world are illusions, products of our separate minds or ego. They represent separation.

• The second level or split-mind relates to the world in which we think we live. It shows the differences between wrong-minded and right-minded. At this level, we consider our bodies and the world to be real. We see attack, separation, sin, and guilt.

Wapnick also mentioned that the Course speaks of three different thought systems: One-Mind, wrong-mind, and Right-Mind.

The following are brief explanations of the three thought systems:

• The One-Mindset is our true reality; it is the world of heaven. It’s the level we’ve never gone from, but we think we have. It has nothing to do with this world. It is our recognition of our unity with the Creator and with all of Creation. In heaven, there is no time or space. This level is rarely mentioned on the Course.

• The split-mind is the ego’s thought system. This system believes in sin, guilt, and fear. When the Course speaks of sin, it refers to our belief that we are separated from God, leading to fear and guilt. Wapnick says that the guilt the Course refers to is “the sum total of all the negative feelings, beliefs and experiences we have had about ourselves,” which are primarily unconscious.

• The Course tells us that as soon as the ego was created, God gave us the Holy Spirit, who, for the Course, is the part of our mind that knows that it is always connected to God. It is as if our mind is divided in two. One part, the Holy Spirit, knows that we have never separated from God. The other one, the ego, thinks that we have.

  • Right-mindedness is the thought system of the Holy Spirit, which leads us to forgive our guilt. In this system, we decide to live exclusively in the state of love, towards ourselves and others. We do this through forgiveness. Forgiveness does not lead to attacks or judgments because we begin to see what we previously identified as attack or judgment simply as the wrong way for the other person to say, “I feel lonely, and I need love.” This leads us to feel compassion, instead of anger.

In the following blogs, I will delve into some of the mechanisms of the Course to achieve forgiveness and live the experience of love.