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Don’t analyze, feel

I was recently talking to a dear friend who was at a crossroads, not knowing what decision to make. He told me that he had analyzed all the possible alternatives and that he still didn’t know which way to go.

Without a doubt, I’m sure that we’ve all been in a similar situation at some point in our lives and those who are younger and haven’t been there yet, soon will be.

I remember saying to him, “don’t analyze, feel.” And many will think, how can I not analyze? I have to weigh all the possibilities, do a thorough analysis, and then decide.

I tell you that there’s a much easier way. A Course in Miracles speaks of two figures that are in our mind, figuratively speaking, the ego and the Holy Spirit. We created the ego in that “crazy moment,” which occurred eons of years ago, as the Course says, where the Son of God, which we all are, thought that he had separated himself from God. On the other hand, the Holy Spirit is that part of our mind that knows that separation never happened. The ego speaks of fear, conflict, difficulties. The Holy Spirit speaks of peace, love, harmony. It will always direct you towards your good. The important thing is to learn to listen to it. To be able to listen to it you have to learn mental silence.

When you analyze a situation a lot, usually the ego is involved. Your mind goes a mile a minute and that causes you stress.

When you quiet your mind and let your intuition guide you, that’s your spirit speaking. When you stop to listen, your mind is at peace. You have to learn to trust your intuition. Sometimes it shows you a path that you hadn’t even contemplated, but if observing it brings you peace, that’s where you need to go. The how will emerge in due course.

Always remember that your compass is peace. Does what you are feeling gives you peace? Then that’s the way to go. Does it create conflict and stress for you? Then, that’s not the way to go. It’s that simple. What you have to do is trust that your spirit is the one that knows what is good for you and then follow it.

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Are you afraid of failure?

When I was studying law many years ago, this knowledge that I’m trying to share hadn’t reached me yet. The “I am not enough …” prevailed in me, that thought that paralyzed me.

I remember that the Supreme Court of Puerto Rico issued a case that totally changed the divorce procedure in Puerto Rico by establishing divorce by mutual consent.

After studying that case well, some ideas came to my mind and I thought I should write an article for the Law Review and I wrote it in my mind. Then I immediately thought, and who’s going to be interested in reading what I write? What I have to say isn’t important enough. And I didn’t write it.

A month later, a law article was published in another Law Review magazine written by one of the most renowned lawyers in Puerto Rico in the area of ​​family law. And guess what she was saying? The same thing that I would have said. It made me want to hit myself over the head because of my insecurities. Why was I so afraid of failure? Why the fear that people might think I wasn’t perfect if I didn’t do it right?

After a few years, A Course in Miracles came into my life. In this wonderful book I learned that “the tests you go through are nothing more than lessons that you have not yet learned that are presented again so that where you made a wrong choice before, you can now make a better one and thus escape the pain that what you chose previously caused you. ” T-31.VIII.3.1.

That event that I classified as cowardice stayed with me for many years. Once I learned what the Course said, I realized that it came from my thought that I was not capable enough, in this case, to write an article intelligently. From then on I started to be aware of each time that I didn’t do something because “I’m not enough or I’m not enough to….”  When a situation arose where my reaction was similar and I noticed it, I immediately chose again and brought out the courage within me to dare to do what I wanted to do. Little by little, it became part of my nature.

With this story, I want you to see that failure doesn’t exist. It’s merely teaching you the way things aren’t done. Next time, venture out to do what you want and if fear arises, treat it differently. Your life will start changing for the better.

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Abuse is NEVER ACCEPTABLE

Recently over two weeks, two women were murdered in Puerto Rico by their partners. I’m sure that you can replace the place and put any country and it would be the same.

Although in most cases the abusers are men, there are cases in which the abused is male, either by someone of the same or opposite sex. This blog is for both.

In the article entitled Understanding and addressing violence against women, the World Health Organization and the Pan American Health Organization https://oig.cepal.org/sites/default/files/20184_violenciapareja.pdf, explain the following:

Intimate partner violence refers to any behavior, within an intimate relationship, that causes or may cause physical, mental, or sexual harm to the members of the relationship. Some examples are listed below:

• Physical assaults, for example, slapping, hitting, kicking, or hitting.

• Sexual violence, for example, forced sex and other forms of sexual coercion.

• Emotional abuse, for example by insults, denigration, constant humiliation or intimidation (such as destroying objects), threats to cause harm, or to take children.

• Controlling and dominating behaviors, for example isolating a person from her family and friends, monitoring her movements, and restricting her access to financial resources, employment, education, or health care

Here are some things abusers do or say:

• You made me do this.

• You provoked me

• Bring you flowers or gifts and promise that it will never happen again.

In the previous article, the World Health Organization and the Pan American Health Organization indicate these parameters that must be met to eliminate the abuse of women:

• reform of legal frameworks in civil and criminal matters;

• dissemination and awareness campaigns to make the current legislation better known; F

• strengthening the civil rights of women in relation to divorce, property, and child support and custody;

• formation of coalitions between government and civil society institutions;

• establishment of the evidence base for sensitization and awareness raising;

• use of communication aimed at behavioral change to achieve social changes;

• transformation of entire institutions in each sector using the gender perspective; in particular, integrate attention to violence against women in sexual and reproductive health services;

• promoting the social and economic empowerment of women and girls;

• generation of comprehensive responses from services to survivors of intimate partner violence in the communities;

• creation of life skills programs and school curricula;

• encouraging the participation of men and boys to promote non-violence and gender equality;

• and offering early intervention services to families at risk.

A Course in Miracles expresses the following: You are free to believe what you want, and your actions bear witness to what you believe. (ACIM T.1. II.1.9) In other words, it’s not what they tell you, it’s what they do that determines how a person thinks. If you are in an abusive relationship, the abuser will not change. The abuse will continue. Run away, get help, do whatever it takes to protect yourself and your children.

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Do you live in the present?

Definitely, one of the things that I came to heal in this life, was my feeling that I was worthless, that I was not important enough. From a very young age I had an emptiness inside of me. Since I didn’t know anything about what I’m trying to teach here, I always thought that when something happened in my future, then, I would be happy.

When I was in first grade, it was going to be when I made my first communion. Then when I graduated from eighth grade and so on. Of course, when events came I was happy for a while and then the emptiness returned.

To a greater or lesser degree, we all do the same thing. We have expectations of our future. These expectations do not allow us to enjoy our present, which is the only thing we have.

The same happens when our mind is always in the past, thinking, consciously or unconsciously, that the future is going to be the same. This back and forth between what happened and what may happen causes fear and anxiety and doesn’t really lead to anything positive.

You are creating your life instant by instant. And how do you create it?

  • Live in the present moment all the time fully enjoying what you are living. Don’t wait to enjoy things when the perfect occasion comes. The perfect moment is now. Use it now.
  • Be alert to your thoughts about what you are experiencing, knowing that you created what you have with what you thought in the past.
  • If you attracted something that you don’t like, don’t judge it. The energy that judgment produces will bring you more of the same.
  • Accept whatever you are living and, if it’s not what you want, commit to changing the thought that produced it to a positive one.

The past is gone, it’s just an idea, a memory, and the future isn’t here yet, it’s also in your in. Live your present fully which is the only thing you have.

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Relationship with Our Children

Kahlil Gibran’s message that our children are not our children but children of the world who come through us should guide our relationship with them and be present within us even before we bring them into the world. The reward that parents have for accepting to be the channel of these beings who come to continue their evolution is the sublime experience of unconditional love that a child awakens in his parents.

With this thought of helping them in their development:

• It’s our responsibility as parents to guide them from a young age to find their mission in life.

• To discover the commitment they made to themselves before coming.

• We can do that not only by allowing them to develop their skills and talents, but by encouraging them to do so.

We all come with specific talents. These talents are what will direct us towards our mission. And how do we know what our mission is? The internal compass is our satisfaction and love for what we do. This will be learned by our children by our example.

• If we are working or doing what we love, satisfaction for our effort will be obvious.

• If, on the contrary, we do something that we don’t like, just because we are making money, to please others, or because of what others will say, we’ll be unhappy and that’s what they’ll learn.

The only way for them to discover their talents is by experiencing different things. Many times we as parents want to encase our children in what we believe is good for them.

• We force them to take classes in things that we like, without being aware of whether that’s what they like.

• Other times, children want to take classes in something that they later discover wasn’t what they wanted, and parents insist that they continue what they started.

There’s a fine line between leaving something because I don’t like it and leaving something because it’s becoming difficult for me. The way to find out is by learning to listen to what the heart tells us.

• We can help our children a lot by teaching them to be silent. As long as the mind is active we can’t listen to the heart.

• We teach them best by our example.

• Creating a habit in the family to dedicate a specific time each day to quiet the mind is the best gift we can give our children since it’ll serve them for a lifetime.

Balance is what determines whether we have inner peace or not. When our life is out of balance, because we are dedicating our time to one thing in neglect of others, chaos is created.

• One way for our children to learn this balance is by directing them to pay attention to nature and the teachings it offers us about harmony between its different elements.

• Through nature they also understand that change is an integral part of life and that it’s not to be feared.

• It’s through change that new things come into our lives.

• If we cling to the known we’ll deprive ourselves of new enriching experiences.

  • With our example we also teach them that the Universe speaks to us, but we have to learn to listen to it.

• When obstacles constantly appear in your way, it’s a way the Universe has to tell you, you’re going the wrong way.

• If we persist in continuing to struggle, we teach them that life is a struggle.

• If, on the other hand, we pause, knowing that the right moment will be shown to us, we will teach them to be patient or to discern if it’s the right time for them.

• If in our interaction with other family members we impose our criteria, we are teaching them to be selfish.

• If, on the contrary, we listen and take into account what other people think, we teach them healthy coexistence and respect for others.

It is a great privilege to be a parent. Much of the path of our children’s development depends on us.

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When love ends

Sol Gordon, in his book Why Love is not Enough says that:

• If the pain of being with the person you love is greater than the happiness

you share …

• If your love is more a burden than a pleasure…

• If you feel desperate or alone when you are with your partner, but close to him or her, in some way, when you are apart …

• If the idea of ​​not finding another person terrifies you…

• If your partner’s behavior dominates you and takes you to the point of

   despair and loss of dignity …

Then it is time to let go of your relationship.

The end of a relationship is one of the most difficult and painful things. However, if you end a relationship with respect and consideration for the other person, the process of healing and emotional separation will be much smoother.

There are several things that can help you at this time:

• First, remember that this person was important to you in the past.

• Do not do anything out of spite or revenge. The Universe is in charge of balancing energies and that includes harmful acts.

• If they hurt you, that person will already have to learn their lessons. Do not do anything that increases what you have to learn.

• If there are children involved, the one who leaves is also their father or mother. Do not say or do anything to antagonize your children with them. You would do the most damage to your children. Children know that they have a part of their father and mother. If they think one of them is bad, they end up thinking that they must have something bad too.

• Read the previous blog on effective communication carefully and apply all the techniques in this relationship that is ending. When there are children, the only thing that ends is the marriage, the relationship will continue for life.

• One of the things that will help you overcome the pain the most is accepting that the relationship is over. What keeps you tied to the past the most is thinking that maybe he’ll call … maybe he’ll regret it … if I had done (or said) … When I was going through the pain of a relationship that ended, a person told me not to think so much about it. When I asked how… he said “well, change the tape (the cassette.) Whenever it comes to mind, think of something else. Remember that you are the one who controls what you think. It’s not the other way around.

• Don’t idealize the person. See things as they happened. If he hurt you, if he belittled you etc. don’t justify the behavior. Such behavior is not acceptable under any circumstances.

• Don’t project your feelings onto that person or make up what they must be thinking. The one who loves you treats you with love. He who treats you with a lack of love doesn’t love you.

• Share with people who support you. This is a time that you need to surround yourself with people who understand and love you.

• However, also spend time alone. It’s in those moments that you give yourself permission to vent. Crying is very healthy. It’s the way that God gave us to cleanse the soul.

• Once you feel like it, find something you like to do and do it. Maybe you always wanted to take a class or learn something. Now is the time to do it.

• Love yourself, eat well, get a massage, and enjoy nature. Do anything but start a new relationship.

 Once you are ready to start a new relationship, it is important to assume your share of responsibility for the failure of the old one.

• I invite you to make a list of your behavior that contributed to it not working and how you can change that behavior.

• Also, do another of your partner’s behavior, so that you are clear what kind of partner you are attracting.

• See how this behavior resembles the behavior of one of your parents.

• Realize that you didn’t choose that partner by chance.

  • You will attract in the couple you choose what you didn’t heal with your parents, in order to realize that you still have things to forgive. It is with forgiving your parents that you have to work so that you don’t repeat the same thing in another relationship.
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Effective Communication

In a good relationship, effective communication is essential. The word Communication comes from the Latin “communis”, which means to be one with or to share in common. Therefore, the purpose of communication is to understand and be understood.

When two people who love each other communicate their feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and lovingly, they‘ll have found the secret of staying in love, since this is the secret to intimacy. To communicate constructively and non-destructively there are certain techniques you can learn.

Like everything new that you want to master, it is necessary to practice each technique for at least a week, preferably for 21 days, until you feel that you have made it a part of you. Some of the techniques are as follows:

• Always treat your partner with respect.

• Speak from the self. The less you use the word “you”, the better. Usually when you say “you”, the other party feels attacked and might counter attack to defend itself, turning into a fight, something which could be simple.

• Tell the truth as quickly as possible, once you can speak lovingly and always from your heart. If you have something inside that bothers you and you don’t say it, since everything is energy, the other party will feel that something is happening and feel uncomfortable.

• Express your negative feelings constructively. One way of doing this is to say “when you did (here you say the fact that you disliked”,) “I felt (here you express the feeling”.) “Next time I would like you to say or do (here you express the way you would like your partner to express or do whatever it is that bothered you”.)

• Listen to the other person without being distracted or thinking about what you are going to say next. Many times the only thing a person needs is to be heard and once he feels heard, he has no need to get into an argument.

• Learn to forgive. Forgiveness is what sets you free. While you hold grudges, you poison your soul. Surely, the other person will be calm and you are mortified. The forgiveness I’m talking about is not the one where you feel superior to the other person and you deign to forgive them. It is impossible to forgive someone you think has hurt you. A Course in Miracles teaches that at all times we are extending love or asking for help (to be loved). Forgiveness is understanding that each person does the best they can in each moment, and that ultimately, the true self did not fail, since it is perfect, the one who failed was the wrong ego. On the other hand, there is nothing outside of you and you create with your thoughts. Therefore, if you attract what you think, you attracted this situation to learn a lesson about yourself, what thoughts you have to heal.

• Ask for what you want. Maybe you were taught not to ask for what you need because “if the other person loves me, he is supposed to know what I need.” Others were taught that if they give what is asked of them, it is no longer something that comes naturally, but rather forced. Nothing could be further from the truth. Neither side of a couple reads the other’s mind. The only way the other party is going to know what you want is if you tell them. Remember that each person is different and what is important to one may not be to the other.

Sit down with your partner on a daily basis so that each of you has the opportunity to communicate what he or she feels to the other. It is important to make time for the couple. A couple relationship must be worked on and daily communication is vital.

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How to Create the Relationship I Want

Believe it or not, you’ve always attracted the relationship you’ve wanted. What happens is that, perhaps, you have created it unconsciously, imitating:

• The pattern established by your parents

• How your siblings related to each other

• How your parents related to you.

By living these relationships you came to conclusions about relationships. This caused your unconscious thoughts to attract the relationships you’ve had. Now you’ll learn how to consciously create them. Here are the steps to do it:

• Make a list and write MY IDEAL LOVING RELATIONSHIP above. Then make a list of the qualities you want in a relationship. Be specific. This is your order to the universe and the Universe always says YES. Don’t limit yourself, put everything you want. At the bottom of the page write THIS OR SOMETHING BETTER COMES TO ME, EASILY AND PLEASANTLY, and FOR THE GOOD OF ALL THE PEOPLE INVOLVED. THANKS GOD.

• Make a special Treasure Map for your ideal relationship. The theme should be a perfect romantic relationship and should include all aspects of your relationship: physical, mental, and spiritual. Find photos that describe what you want.

• Complete the past. Start with your parents and siblings and end any incomplete relationships you’ve had.

• Prepare for your new relationship. Discard all memories of past relationships that represent a bond to that person. If he has left clothes or items at your house, return them. Clean your closet, desk, drawers, kitchen etc. Make energetic space for new things.

• Create awareness of your patterns. Make a list of all the reasons your previous relationships ended to see if you see similarities. For each reason write on a piece of paper “the reason why I create this in my life is….” Do this several times until you realize what your lesson is. Take responsibility for creating them, without blaming anyone else. If you don’t realize what you are doing, you will never be able to change it. Once you create consciousness, every time a similar situation returns to your life say NO.

• Make a list of your 10 favorite pleasures. Check off the ones that you have regularly experienced in your last significant relationship. Commit to having more pleasure in your life.

• Discover the most negative thought you have about yourself and create awareness every time it is activated in your life. Transform this thought into an affirmation and make it your Eternal Law. For example, if you think you are not important, change it to “I am the most important person in the Universe.”

• Develop good self-esteem.

• Learn to be alone and enjoy it.

• Take risks. Ask for what you want. Say yes when you want and no when you don’t want to. Learn to feel good when people say no, without feeling rejected. Be more assertive.

• Do what you enjoy.

•  Keep your eyes open. Remember that you are looking for someone who does not fit into your usual pattern, so you have to train yourself.

• Start with a friendship. Don’t get into a sexual relationship too quickly. This  creates a false sense of intimacy before it is real.

• When you start dating someone you care about, look at both the good and the bad. Don’t be blind.

  • Learn to tell the truth fast.
  • Be you, not the person the other wants you to be.

• Create a phrase that once one of you begins to say it, the other is committed to saying it as well. The sentence should be long enough so that neither of you keeps thinking the negative thought that started it. An example would be: We are having a wonderful relationship, full of love, understanding, good communication, respect, prosperity, wisdom, harmony, of total expression, living in spacious and beautiful places and enjoying more and more every day.

• Tell each other I LOVE YOU often.

• At the beginning of the relationship, do not force the other one to have obligations to the other’s family. This comes over time and has to come naturally.

• Choose the form you want your relationship to take. Remember each relationship is different and each couple is the one that determines the form. The important thing is that both agree.

• Focus on the positive.

• Never get married until you feel married.

• Develop friendships with other couples of similar tastes and attitudes.

(These ideas were taken from the book Two Hearts Are Better Than One by Bob Mandel.)

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The Treasure Map

The treasure map is another very powerful manifesting technique. Mapping is a lot of fun and it helps you focus your energy on what you want. As I have already mentioned in other blogs, we always create with our thoughts. The treasure map helps us to do it consciously.

There are many kinds of maps, of different shapes and sizes. They can be made on cardstock, copier paper, in a folder, in a box, etc. Use your creativity. You can do it with drawings, or with a collage of photos and words from magazines.

The first question you will ask yourself is what you want your map for. They can be for:

• Relationships

• Talents

• Education

•  Health

•  Job

•  Entertainment

•  Holidays

• Self help

How to do it:

• The map should be simple.

• With clear illustrations.

• Maps need words. These are very powerful.

• Use affirmations giving thanks because your wish is already given.

• Watch carefully what you are thinking as you build it and make affirmations of power canceling negative thoughts.

• Place in the center anything that means to you the power of God as the Source of all good and includes the cosmic affirmation “This, its equivalent or something better manifests for me NOW, for my good and the good of all, in harmony for those around me”.

• Include a photo of yourself with your name and images of people enjoying what you want with which you identify.

• Include any adornments that represent to you the achievement of your wish.

• Don’t forget to add money in some way, if the desired asset requires financing. This can be play money, canceled checks. The important thing is the symbol that all money that is needed will come to you.

  • Every day spend some time with your Treasure Map giving it energy.
  •  Focus on it.
  • Feel all the emotions that already having what you want represents for you.
  • Don’t hesitate or give it any negative thoughts.
  • Continually be grateful that it is already given.

The image was taken from https://www.sivanayla.com/2018/12/29/2019-resolutions/