What are special relationships according to A Course in Miracles?

The Course mentions two types of relationships, special relationships, and holy relationships. In the next blog, I will explain holy relationships.

For the Course, all relationships involving the ego are special relationships. There are two types of special relationships, special hate relationships, and special love relationships.

In special hate relationships, we look for someone or something to hate. In this way, we do not have to look at the hatred we have towards ourselves. An example of these relationships is seen in politics. Those on one side hate Trump, and those on the other side hate Biden. This type of special relationship is easier to identify, although not so easy to understand what part of us we hate and are projecting outside.

The special love relationship is more deceptive. It is more difficult to recognize because it appears to be something that it is not. Just like the special hate relationship, we are trying to hide our hatred of ourselves in the special love relationship. The difference is that in love, it is done in a more subtle way.

As I explained in the previous blog, we all feel that something is missing to a greater or lesser degree. That scarcity principle is beneath special relationships. We think that something is missing. Immediately, the ego-mind says, I know how you can solve this. Look outside yourself for someone to fill your hole.

When you find someone who has the qualities that meet your needs, you grab onto that special someone. You fall in love, and everything is wonderful as long as that person gives you what you need. And if you have qualities that fill his needs, he falls in love with you. From the ego’s point of view, it is like a marriage made in heaven.

What the ego calls love is actually dependence. I depend on you to meet my needs, and I will make sure that you rely on me to fulfill yours. As long as I know everything is great.

When that person begins to have other interests or makes new friends at work, or in some way is no longer acting as you wish and no longer fits your expectations, problems begin.

No matter what, you want it to be like before. To achieve this, you can use different measures, usually without expressing how you feel directly. Maybe you act cold; you manipulate by saying something like “you are no longer the same as before. You don’t love me anymore”, or something similar.

If you can make your partner feel guilty enough to go back to acting like before, everything is fine again. If not, the fights begin until one of the two decides that he is not happy, and the relationship ends.

At the same time, you meet another person who “meets your needs and expectations” and begins another special relationship. If you pay close attention, you will realize that everything you did not heal inside with the first partner is repeated in the next. That’s because what I call “hunger and need come together.” Your partner and vice versa will activate everything you have in the unconscious to heal. But as always, if it is a special relationship, you are in denial and see it outside.

As long as you feel like a victim, that is going to be a vicious cycle. To get out of this cycle, you must start seeing things differently. In the next blog, I will explain how.

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