Effective Communication

In a good relationship, effective communication is essential. The word Communication comes from the Latin “communis”, which means to be one with or to share in common. Therefore, the purpose of communication is to understand and be understood.

When two people who love each other communicate their feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and lovingly, they‘ll have found the secret of staying in love, since this is the secret to intimacy. To communicate constructively and non-destructively there are certain techniques you can learn.

Like everything new that you want to master, it is necessary to practice each technique for at least a week, preferably for 21 days, until you feel that you have made it a part of you. Some of the techniques are as follows:

• Always treat your partner with respect.

• Speak from the self. The less you use the word “you”, the better. Usually when you say “you”, the other party feels attacked and might counter attack to defend itself, turning into a fight, something which could be simple.

• Tell the truth as quickly as possible, once you can speak lovingly and always from your heart. If you have something inside that bothers you and you don’t say it, since everything is energy, the other party will feel that something is happening and feel uncomfortable.

• Express your negative feelings constructively. One way of doing this is to say “when you did (here you say the fact that you disliked”,) “I felt (here you express the feeling”.) “Next time I would like you to say or do (here you express the way you would like your partner to express or do whatever it is that bothered you”.)

• Listen to the other person without being distracted or thinking about what you are going to say next. Many times the only thing a person needs is to be heard and once he feels heard, he has no need to get into an argument.

• Learn to forgive. Forgiveness is what sets you free. While you hold grudges, you poison your soul. Surely, the other person will be calm and you are mortified. The forgiveness I’m talking about is not the one where you feel superior to the other person and you deign to forgive them. It is impossible to forgive someone you think has hurt you. A Course in Miracles teaches that at all times we are extending love or asking for help (to be loved). Forgiveness is understanding that each person does the best they can in each moment, and that ultimately, the true self did not fail, since it is perfect, the one who failed was the wrong ego. On the other hand, there is nothing outside of you and you create with your thoughts. Therefore, if you attract what you think, you attracted this situation to learn a lesson about yourself, what thoughts you have to heal.

• Ask for what you want. Maybe you were taught not to ask for what you need because “if the other person loves me, he is supposed to know what I need.” Others were taught that if they give what is asked of them, it is no longer something that comes naturally, but rather forced. Nothing could be further from the truth. Neither side of a couple reads the other’s mind. The only way the other party is going to know what you want is if you tell them. Remember that each person is different and what is important to one may not be to the other.

Sit down with your partner on a daily basis so that each of you has the opportunity to communicate what he or she feels to the other. It is important to make time for the couple. A couple relationship must be worked on and daily communication is vital.

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