Sol Gordon, in his book Why Love is not Enough says that:
• If the pain of being with the person you love is greater than the happiness
you share …
• If your love is more a burden than a pleasure…
• If you feel desperate or alone when you are with your partner, but close to him or her, in some way, when you are apart …
• If the idea of not finding another person terrifies you…
• If your partner’s behavior dominates you and takes you to the point of
despair and loss of dignity …
Then it is time to let go of your relationship.
The end of a relationship is one of the most difficult and painful things. However, if you end a relationship with respect and consideration for the other person, the process of healing and emotional separation will be much smoother.
There are several things that can help you at this time:
• First, remember that this person was important to you in the past.
• Do not do anything out of spite or revenge. The Universe is in charge of balancing energies and that includes harmful acts.
• If they hurt you, that person will already have to learn their lessons. Do not do anything that increases what you have to learn.
• If there are children involved, the one who leaves is also their father or mother. Do not say or do anything to antagonize your children with them. You would do the most damage to your children. Children know that they have a part of their father and mother. If they think one of them is bad, they end up thinking that they must have something bad too.
• Read the previous blog on effective communication carefully and apply all the techniques in this relationship that is ending. When there are children, the only thing that ends is the marriage, the relationship will continue for life.
• One of the things that will help you overcome the pain the most is accepting that the relationship is over. What keeps you tied to the past the most is thinking that maybe he’ll call … maybe he’ll regret it … if I had done (or said) … When I was going through the pain of a relationship that ended, a person told me not to think so much about it. When I asked how… he said “well, change the tape (the cassette.) Whenever it comes to mind, think of something else. Remember that you are the one who controls what you think. It’s not the other way around.
• Don’t idealize the person. See things as they happened. If he hurt you, if he belittled you etc. don’t justify the behavior. Such behavior is not acceptable under any circumstances.
• Don’t project your feelings onto that person or make up what they must be thinking. The one who loves you treats you with love. He who treats you with a lack of love doesn’t love you.
• Share with people who support you. This is a time that you need to surround yourself with people who understand and love you.
• However, also spend time alone. It’s in those moments that you give yourself permission to vent. Crying is very healthy. It’s the way that God gave us to cleanse the soul.
• Once you feel like it, find something you like to do and do it. Maybe you always wanted to take a class or learn something. Now is the time to do it.
• Love yourself, eat well, get a massage, and enjoy nature. Do anything but start a new relationship.
Once you are ready to start a new relationship, it is important to assume your share of responsibility for the failure of the old one.
• I invite you to make a list of your behavior that contributed to it not working and how you can change that behavior.
• Also, do another of your partner’s behavior, so that you are clear what kind of partner you are attracting.
• See how this behavior resembles the behavior of one of your parents.
• Realize that you didn’t choose that partner by chance.
- You will attract in the couple you choose what you didn’t heal with your parents, in order to realize that you still have things to forgive. It is with forgiving your parents that you have to work so that you don’t repeat the same thing in another relationship.