As a young girl, I was nasty when I was upset. I used tones and put on faces, and when I was in that mood, no one could stand me. When we are acting unlovingly, we are disconnected in our minds from our true essence, which is love. It is a way we have to say, “I am unhappy. I need love.” The last principle: We can always see ourselves and others as extending love or giving a call for help applies here.
Usually, when someone speaks to us in an unpleasant tone, we react in the same way and respond, possibly, in a worse way. This reaction is because their unloving behavior reflects the lack of love that we feel. Here we return to the mirror theory.
I have a friend who was born wise. When I would get those outbursts, and I was mean to her, instead of answering me back, she used to think, “Poor Yve, today she must feel miserable.” Since she was a child, she lived this principle. It takes others longer to learn how to put it into practice. But, once we succeed, our relationships immediately change to ones of love.
Instead of seeing anger and attack, you can always see inappropriate behavior as the product of someone who is hurting because they feel unloved and are asking for help. It is the person’s inappropriate way of saying that they need to be loved. If you can see it like this, you can respond with love and compassion. That’s what I say to my granddaughter when she tells me that someone at school was rude or unfriendly: the more unbearable a person is, the more unhappy they feel inside.
If someone wants to hurt you, it is because they feel hurt. Unconsciously the person wants company on their level. Instead of lowering yourself to their level, bring them up to yours by giving them love and compassion.
A quote from Gandhi says, “No one needs a smile as much as one who cannot give it to others.”